American Football

Super Bad Super Bowl takes


Syndication: Arizona Republic
Cheryl Evans/The Republic / USA TODAY NETWORK

Maybe it’s because the Eagles and Chiefs are both 1 seeds, so there’s no huge underdog angle. Maybe it’s because both franchises have won the Super Bowl in recent years, so there’s no starving fanbase to feed. Whatever it is, it feels like there is a low volume of bad takes this year. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about it.

But bad takes are fuel. If they weren’t, Jason Kelce wouldn’t have called out Michael Lombardi dumbass at the Super Bowl parade. So on the eve of the Super Bowl, let us bask in some bad takes that we can hopefully dunk on.

There are plenty of people who are picking the Chiefs simply because they have Patrick Mahomes. I’ve seen this by a couple of writers who should know better.

Aaron Schatz, Football Outsiders:

First of all, if all else is equal you would tend to side with the team with the better quarterback, and that’s the Chiefs. Second, as I explained in the intro, the extra week off seems to favor Andy Reid’s strengths over Nick Sirianni’s strengths.

Bill Barnwell, ESPN:

In a shootout, I’m going to feel foolish if I pick anybody besides Patrick Mahomes.

These are not writers who made their name or make their living producing hot takes, they gained their clout with detailed, nuanced, evidence-based opinions. Apparently that’s been put to the side this Super Bowl. Picking the Chiefs to win is fine, I don’t take any issue with that. But “they have Patrick Mahomes and the other team doesn’t” is incredibly lazy. The Patriots had Tom Brady and Bill Belichick and they lost to Nick Foles and Doug Pederson. The other team has players and coaches too, and they matter. This isn’t a one on one game.

Or here’s a defensive coordinator:

If I was betting the game, I’d probably bet K.C., and the only reason I would bet K.C. is because I think Mahomes is different.

Heaven help the team that employs this man, apparently his game plan when they face the Chiefs would be to give up.

Anyway, like I said, maybe I just missed some. So I put out a call on the social media, and you responded.

Sigh. I really don’t want to give ESP any air, but yeah this is as bad a take as there is.

If you built a QB in a lab, you’d come out with something really close to Patrick Mahomes. Before him it was Aaron Rodgers. Mahomes is as close to perfect as you can get as an overall product, he is a cheat code. His accuracy, arm strength, decision making, ability to improvise, mobility, and intelligence are excellent. There is nothing about Mahomes’ game or physical skills that matter that he is not at the least very good at. It is not hyperbole to say that he has no actual flaws.

It is no slight against Jalen Hurts to say that Patrick Mahomes is better. We can celebrate both simultaneously.

This is my favorite pre-Super Bowl take. Arguing which team has the better offensive line is a complete waste of time. They don’t play against each other! The quality of one offensive line over another in any game is irrelevant. The issue is the quality of the offensive line vs the defensive line. And in both cases, the Eagles have the advantage.

There were multiple nominations for the 49ers. It seems like every day we are getting a new level of cope from players on the 49ers. They shouldn’t matter because they aren’t playing on Sunday and the Eagles are, but the media keeps coming back to them to produce hilarious sound bite after hilarious sound bite, and it’s hard to fault them for it because the 49ers oblige. At this point it is becoming disrespectful by both the 49ers and the media.

It is disrespectful by the 49ers because they lost fair and square. There wasn’t an officiating blunder that handed the Eagles a win, like when in 2002 the officials gave the 49ers a playoff victory when they incorrectly called an eligible receiver ineligible on the Giants’ botched FG attempt to win the game. The league apologized to the Giants the next day for the error, but it was too late.

No, the 49ers lost because they got beat at playing football. It happens every week in the NFL. Take the loss like an adult and move on.

It is disrespectful by the media because the 49ers got pulverized but everyone keeps talking about them like they’re a juggernaut denied their destiny by some cruel god. There are plenty of clips to chose but I’m going to pick on this one:

This interview is basically “I thought you guys were great, but you lost badly, can you tell me why I should invalidate that game in my mind and consider you the best team?” Have some self respect.

This one is my favorite of the bunch.

Jalen Hurts had as many 3+ TD games as the entire 49ers team had in fewer games. He had more 300+ yard passing games than the 49ers. Those teams didn’t have solid days, they all lost, usually in a blowout.

And who gives a crap what a kicker has to say about that game? He literally played three snaps. I guess that makes him the best player on the 49ers to interview, he spent virtually the entire game on the sideline watching them get dismantled. Fair enough!

Finally, I found this one in the wild:

Orlovsky is a great example of how ruinous the take industry is. As a college football color guy, Orlovsky is a solid. He does his homework, does a fine job communicating Xs and Os details to a broad audience, and doesn’t talk over the action. I wouldn’t go so far as to call him great, but he gets the job done and there are a lot of guys who are worse.

But put him in a studio for NFL analysis and his brain oozes out of his skull somewhere in the green room. If the Eagles, who have only 8 guys left from their last Super Bowl win, don’t win this game, then they’re not a dynasty and thus a total disappointment? And he picked the 49ers to beat the Eagles! Embarrassing.

Just… just enjoy the football. It doesn’t have to be a proclamation of anything.

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